TheKey Chronicle

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Monday, May 11, 1998

HIGHER PRICES, BADDER MOVIES (Life in General Bitchings for May 11, 1998!)

Why is it that all the really good movies were made back in the 80s, back when movie tickets ran for $5 a pop? It seems like ticket prices have gone up while the script quality has gone down. Which makes sense - I'm a writer and I'd be very happy to write a really good script for much less than Joe Esterhaus (sp?) would charge to write a really crappy script!

HP COMES THROUGH WITH A REFUND! (Computer Bitchings for May 11, 1998)

Well, not much to bitch about this week! Hewlitt Packard has FINALLY taken care of me and is willing to take back my PC in exchange for a check - a full refund! Of course, because of the time it takes for them to cut me a check and get it to me, I won't be able to update my glorious web site until at least May 25th. I guess I can't complain too much though.

ELLEN NOT TVs FIRST GAY (Media Bitchings for May 11, 1998)

Another series finale is also airing this week, aside from Seinfeld. Ellen's last episode airs this Wednesday at 9pm. I would like to point out that the show isn't quite as ground breaking as everyone thinks. She may be the first main character of a sitcom to "come out", but she is not the first prominent sitcom character to be gay. Check out SOAP on Comedy Central. Billy Crystal played a very respectably written gay character who was VERY prominent in the series which was originally shot waaaay back in the late 70s. It's brilliant stuff and portrayed it's gay character going through many more trials and tribulations than Ellen has dealt with in her five season run. FYI!

SEINFELD FINALE COMING UP-YAAAY! (Pete's Main Bitch of the Week for May 11, 1998)

You know, I finally agree with a promo advertising a sitcom. I really HAVE been waiting for the last episode of Seinfeld! THANK GOD, IT'S FINALLY OVER THIS WEEK! GOOD RIDDANCE!! Of course, later, in the same promo, they implored me that I shouldn't let myself be the only one who misses it. Is that announcer kidding? I am going to be proudly missing it!

Monday, May 4, 1998

LET'S FORCE SMART TV (Life in General Bitchings for May 4, 1998!)

Yes, it's another media-related bitch - sorry, I watch a lot of TV! Why is the general fare available on TV relatively simple-minded? Why can't we just ban all "stupid" sitcoms and force the TV industry to only make intelligent shows? What could be the worst that would happen? Smart people would have lots of quality free TV to watch and stupid people would stop watching TV and start reading books. Nah, that could never happen.

GATES FOR PRESIDENT...TOO LATE! (Computer Bitchings for May 4, 1998)

Well, just great - on CNN Interactive, over the weekend, I saw this headline: "Top tech executives lobby Justice not to interfere with Windows 98" So, basically, rich suits who work for big companies are urging the government to not stand in the way of Windows 98. If the government listens to these men - we might as well usher Bill Gates right into the White House. If the FOB (Friends Of Bill) can sway the government - why not cut out the middle man? I can see the slogan now: "Bill Gates for President - America 95!

IS CHELSEA'S BOYFRIEND NEWS? (Media Bitchings for May 4, 1998)

Okay, now, this is just getting ridiculous - I just heard on the news that they may have just shot video of Chelsea Clinton's new boyfriend. This is insane!! I actually do think we should know what the President does with his personal life (I feel that the leader of the free world should have strong morals) but the private life of his daughter is completely over the line. She's got it tough enough - now she's got to have her love life covered by network news?? Here's a message to both the folks that aired the footage of the guy blowing his brains out and the people who feel Chelsea Clinton's love life should be headline news: GET A LIFE!

TheMEDIA LOSES ITS HEAD BUT CATCHES A GUY LOSING HIS (Pete's Main Bitch of the Week for May 4, 1998)

I'm sure you heard about last week's suicide on a major Los Angeles freeway. Now, many stations that covered the event claim that the live broadcast of this man blowing his head to pieces was a newsworthy event. Well, it may have been newsworthy, but it was NOT broadcast-worthy! If anyone out there believes that the splatter of this man's brains needed to be shown on live TV should really take a good look at their morals. Anyone who suggests that no one could have known that he was going to blow his head off is missing the point - that is irrelevant - in live broadcast there is a time delay of seven seconds. That is plenty of time to realize what's going on and cut the feed. That way, children who had their cartoons interrupted wouldn't have had to watch as a distrought man sprayed the contents of his skull all over a California freeway.