TheKey Chronicle

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Monday, April 27, 1998

YOU! CUT THE CRAP! (Life in General Bitchings for April 27, 1998!)

We, as a race, make things way too difficult for ourselves. With all the rules, regulations, prerequisites, disclaimers and qualifiers, we spend too much time worrying about the paper work and not enough time getting things done. Think about your day - can you cut one bit of BS out of it? Can you tell that person what you really think of them with out beating around the bush? Can you cut the crap and be honest, open and upfront - even for a few minutes out of the day? And if you say you do all this already - then the answer is no.

HP STILL SUX (Computer Bitchings for April 27, 1998)

Well, I know I keep ranting about Hewlitt Packard - but their help line continues to baffle me. I called up again to bug them about a refund and I managed to discover why they never called me back the first two times. There was a glitch in the software on their computers that wouldn't let them enter my correct phone number. And you know what? When I asked them to call me back (because I didn't want to keep paying for the call to Idaho) they called me back on the wrong number!! So even AFTER I told them the right one, THEY STILL couldn't get it right!! SHMUCKS!

TARZAN IS RACIST, DAMMIT (Media Bitchings for April 27, 1998)

Okay, now - I know the film didn't do so well in it's opening weekend, but I must protest the new Tarzan flick. I know it's just frothy crap, but why even bother? At it's heart, the film encourages and embraces racial stereotypes. Sure, black people live in the jungle and they're just black people, but when a white man is raised there, suddenly he can talk to animals. What's up with that?? AND MOST OF ALL: Who told Casper the loser ghost that he could act?!? This dude couldn't carry a porno!

CONTROL YER GUNS, DAMMIT! (Pete's Main Bitch of the Week for April 27, 1998)

Well, last weekend more people were killed by guns fired by children. One 14 year-old went nuts at a Junior-High Prom and killed the teacher who organized it - the very next day, at a birthday party, a four year-old found his God Mother's hand gun and shot the 6 year-old birthday-boy. With all of the children/gun-related murders in the news over the past couple weeks, WHY have these people who have both guns and kids not realized that they need to re-examine the way they care for both?!? Must I personally approach each of them and lock their guns up?? I mean, come on - these are your kids!

Monday, April 20, 1998

TRY HONESTY, WON'T YOU? (Life in General Bitchings for April 20, 1998!)

I'm tired of all this two-facedness that exists. Why can't people just express their feelings fully, upfront, without any worries? I hate having to second guess every reaction and mannerism - maybe I'm just being neurotic or perhaps I'm just not used to being out of college, but I just wish we could cut out all the crap and deal with the actual issues at hand. I think a lot more would get done in the world if we could pull this little miracle off.

Windows Ninety-Eight? Try Windows Ninety-NOT! (Computer Bitchings for April 20, 1998)

So, how many of you people are going to rush out and get Windows 98? I think you're high if you do. Win95 has been out for three years and Microsoft themselves released ANOTHER patch for it, just last December. In my opinion, Win95 still has a long way to go. I reckon Win98 will be up to speed, oh, say mid next century.

WHEN BAD TV ATTACKS (Media Bitchings for April 20, 1998)

I HATE those "Galaxy's Shockingest Cop Chases" shows - as if it wasn't bad enough that they make money off of America's NEED for eye-grabbing footage of people be chased, shot at and killed, producers of such fare add sound effects to "punch up" the footage. Yes - ALL the sound effects you hear have been added. What, you think those gun shots and car explosions are audible over a helicopter engine??

CABLE RATES RATE LOW! (Pete's Main Bitch of the Week for April 20, 1998)

Why are cable TV rates SO high? You pay US$30 a month (over US$300 a year!) for 40+ channels you will NEVER watch and maybe 10 channels you will. Compared to the 'net - cable is a voluntary rape! Now, here's what I suggest: make each channel cost US$5 a peice. That way, we only have to pay for the channels we WANT to pay for.

Monday, April 13, 1998

WHY NOT WEATHEROLOGIST? (Life in General Bitchings for April 13, 1998!)

You gotta figure, being a weather person or "meteorologist" has got to be the easiest job in the universe. You don't ever have to get it right, you can just say "Whoops! That's Mother Nature for ya! She's a tricky one!" Sign me up for "Meteorology" school. I wonder if a meteor really was headed towards earth would a "meteorologist" tell us? Or would it be a plain old scientist?

HP SUX (Computer Bitchings for April 13, 1998)

Hewlitt Packard should be shot down. I urge you to avoid any products these guys make (aside from their printers) because you will get burned. After deciding that I didn't want to deal with them anymore I demmanded they give me a refund, twice. To which they promptly ignored me. But not before they promised me someone in their quality control office would call me within 2-3 business days. Of course, this was over a month ago.

LAZY PR PEOPLE (Media Bitchings for April 13, 1998)

Now, this may seem pretty minor to some people and it may not even effect some of you - but I am SO SICK of the Dodge truck ads they run in the LA Market - ARG! Here's the jingle: "Ramalama - you can't out drive out fun, out muscle, out tough, the New Dodge" Typical TV Advert-fare? Sure, but they've been using this SAME DAMN JINGLE FOR OVER THREE YEARS!! How can that Dodge STILL BE NEW??? It's called GET a new AD campaign YOU LOSERS!! And while we're on the topic, THIS GOES FOR YOU MORONS AT ENERGIZER, TOO!! Oh and here's another question, why does McDonalds advertise?

TITANIC PAINS IN THE ADS (Main Bitch of the Week for April 13, 1998)

What is up with Titanic commercials?? The movie JUST got knocked out of first place in the US (by Lost In Space) after 15 weeks and they have the GALL to run Television Adverts telling us to "see it again". Talk about evil. Like the 3 BILLION they already have in ticket sales is not enough? TALK about GREED!!