POPE WATCH 2005!

Oh, damn--guess I should have started this column before today...

Ding-dong, the Pope is dead, the peepy-Pope, the poopy-Pope!

The Pope is dead!

Long live the Pope!

Does this mean we can eat the Pope's nose now?

So, why were we all supposed to pray for the Pope? I mean, couldn't he call in a favor WITH HIS BOSS??

For the past 12 hours, the Vatican had described the Pope as being "close to God" which is funny since Trent Reznor, founder of Nine Inch Nails, describes sex with his girlfriend as bringing him closer to God. There's a funny image--the Pope having sex with Trent Reznor's girlfriend...

The Vatican also described him as "touching God"--is that a new game for the Nintendo DS? Something like "God Touch!"?

Sorry folks, they can't all be gems...

So, what happens now?

Well, from what I've read and heard, A bunch of cardinals get into a big room and decide on the next Pope. I guess it'll look like a regular bird cage... and I'm not talking about the Robin Williams movie. HA!

All (bad) joking aside, the Pope was an impressive man, to be sure. I only make fun of him here because I think he deserves some roasting since he won't be going to hell for all of his backwards-ass views on contraception, pre-marital sex, homosexuality (not to mention the whole priest/molestation thing), so I figure his "immortal soul" can take some ribbing from good ole' ThePete.

On the other hand, the Pope did have a tremendously positive effect on the world, as well and I have a huge amount of respect for him for those things he did. However, no man is perfect, and no man should be given blind, absolute loyalty. So, there.

Pope John Paul II: RIP

I'm sure God is pissed it took you so long to get there...