First off, you don't have to worry if you haven't seen the film yet. I promise I won't give away anything or include what we netfanboys like to call "Spoilers".
I loved The Phantom Menace for a lot of reasons. Not because of it's solid script, or it's great acting, or it's great editing or it's stunning cinematography, or even for it's great effects.
Frankly, it didn't have any of those things. By normal standards, the script was muddled, loose and holier than the Pope. By normal standards, the acting was stiff and not at all that dynamic. The editing was inconsistent and choppy. While there were some neat shots, the cinematography was DISGUSTINGLY inconsistent and uninteresting. And the effects quality, while much better than Titanic's did not justify their excessive use in this film.
Put straight, there were things that were computer generated that just plain didn't need to be computer generated. After all that you might think: "Pete, you just described everything you COULD like about a film as being bad, how can you say you loved this movie?"
Well, I'm glad you asked that. The first and main reason I liked this film (even beyond Darth Maul's double-bladed lightsaber) is that it is (IN MY OPINION) very subtle. There are lots of places where characters could have done things that you'd expect them to do but instead did nothing at all.
Liam Neeson said that when you have to play a guy who is super-powerful, don't play super-powerful, play just the opposite. The only catch with that philosophy is that most folks read the opposite of super-powerful to be flat. I think it can be looked at either way, honestly. It was fine with Liam's acting. It seems more subtle to me than non-existent. I think that our society is used to everything be served up for them on a platter instead of having to go get the food yourself. So when Liam enters the scene I'm not thinking: "WOAH! THERE'S LIAM!!!" I'm not thinking anything until he begins speaking and then I think: "Hey! Where'd he come from - damn he's like a ninja!"
Subtlety, I think is the key to understanding most of the aspects of this film people call "weak". However, there are some elements of the film that have no excuses - they are bad, weak, or otherwise poor choices in filmmaking. But I find that all the really fun, neat and wonderful things the film does make up for those undeniable flaws. What are those things?
The production design was cool as hell (except for a bunch of stuff WAAAAAY too similar to the Dinotopia Series) the characters themselves I found interesting (Jar-Jar aside) and the new things they added to the familiar made this film a wonderful addition to the Star Wars Universe. Also, George Lucas does things in this movie that no other filmmaker in Hollywood (or anywhere else) would EVER do. He trusts himself to make the right choice. No other filmmaker does that. Sure, he makes the wrong choice on occasion, but I'll put up with a few bad choices when the good choices make the film a thousand times more interesting to watch than any other film out there.
No, I'm not some loser who thinks George Lucas is a God - I think this last piece proves that.
But just in case you don't believe me, come back next week and I'll bad mouth Lucas himself.
Do come back - you'll enjoy it! HOWEVER, I do want to see Lucas make BUCKETS O' money off this - I want to see Titanic lose it's place as the number one box office grossing film of all time. SEE YOU IN DAVEY JONES' LOCKER, CAMERON!
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|Got an opinion? What is it?]
old thepete.com blog
moral compass online since 1998
Monday, June 14, 1999
YOO WLL BHH A JDEYE, I PRMUS
About ten years ago I went to my local Toys R Us in New Jersey to buy the cool "talking Venom" action figure from Galoob (I think it was). While I am a big fan of the character of Venom, that wasn't the reason I was buying this particular figure. The design wasn't so hot and I already had a much cooler Venom who's tongue shot out when you flicked a lever on his back.
The reason I did want to grab this figure was because of one obvious thing - he talked. Well, really HE didn't, it was a hideously unrealistic and quite bulky backpack that did the speaking. But BOY did it say some COOL STUFF!!
First, there was the snarl - that was okay, but snarls never really translated well from comic books. Then there was "DIE, SPIDER-MAN!" which was pretty cool (it's always cool to threaten the good guy!!). Finally - and BEST of ALL, there was "I WANT TO EAT YOUR BRAIN!"
When I heard that the new action figures from the new Star Wars movie were supposed to talk, BOY was I excited. I always thought it would be cool to have a figure that could actually say "May the force be with you." Then, when I learned about the character Darth Maul I was VERY excited about having ANY of his dialog coming out of an action figure. But then I heard about HOW these figures were going to talk. The toy makers would encode special chips with lines of dialog from the movie and then embed the chips into plastic cards the figures could stand on. The only catch was, to actually hear your figures speak you would need to buy a chip reader.
Now, how stupid is THIS?
You gotta carry around this bulky-ass reader just to hear these little dudes talk? What's THAT about?!?
And what's worse - when the figures finally did come out - I discovered the price.
Twenty BUCKS!
You think that's enough money to make us spend JUST so we can make these figures do something we never needed them to do in the first place? Sure, I wanted Star Wars figures that spoke - but they aren't even speaking - it's some machine. I might as well just steal bits of dialog from the trailers on my computer and play them over and over. How LAME is this system?
But that's not all - the quality of these chips is ATROCIOUS!! DL these clips and be the judge for yourself:
Obi-Wan Kenobi: "You will be a jedi, I promise."
Jar-Jar Binks: "Oo, maxi bigs the force."
Qui-Gon Jinn: "May the Force be with you."
See what I mean? Those dialog clips are harder to understand than a line of dialog from Jar-jar Binks!! So much for great leaps in technology in the last ten years! Well, I get to have the last laugh, the chip readers aren't selling at all and are sure to be marked down just so Toys R Us can get rid of them. But still the effort they put into making all these chips and readers seems so... misplaced. Ah well, at least I still have my Venom backpack. Too bad I can't find the figure anywhere.
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|Do YOU have a Commtech Reader? Was it worth the $20?]
The reason I did want to grab this figure was because of one obvious thing - he talked. Well, really HE didn't, it was a hideously unrealistic and quite bulky backpack that did the speaking. But BOY did it say some COOL STUFF!!
First, there was the snarl - that was okay, but snarls never really translated well from comic books. Then there was "DIE, SPIDER-MAN!" which was pretty cool (it's always cool to threaten the good guy!!). Finally - and BEST of ALL, there was "I WANT TO EAT YOUR BRAIN!"
When I heard that the new action figures from the new Star Wars movie were supposed to talk, BOY was I excited. I always thought it would be cool to have a figure that could actually say "May the force be with you." Then, when I learned about the character Darth Maul I was VERY excited about having ANY of his dialog coming out of an action figure. But then I heard about HOW these figures were going to talk. The toy makers would encode special chips with lines of dialog from the movie and then embed the chips into plastic cards the figures could stand on. The only catch was, to actually hear your figures speak you would need to buy a chip reader.
Now, how stupid is THIS?
You gotta carry around this bulky-ass reader just to hear these little dudes talk? What's THAT about?!?
And what's worse - when the figures finally did come out - I discovered the price.
Twenty BUCKS!
You think that's enough money to make us spend JUST so we can make these figures do something we never needed them to do in the first place? Sure, I wanted Star Wars figures that spoke - but they aren't even speaking - it's some machine. I might as well just steal bits of dialog from the trailers on my computer and play them over and over. How LAME is this system?
But that's not all - the quality of these chips is ATROCIOUS!! DL these clips and be the judge for yourself:
Obi-Wan Kenobi: "You will be a jedi, I promise."
Jar-Jar Binks: "Oo, maxi bigs the force."
Qui-Gon Jinn: "May the Force be with you."
See what I mean? Those dialog clips are harder to understand than a line of dialog from Jar-jar Binks!! So much for great leaps in technology in the last ten years! Well, I get to have the last laugh, the chip readers aren't selling at all and are sure to be marked down just so Toys R Us can get rid of them. But still the effort they put into making all these chips and readers seems so... misplaced. Ah well, at least I still have my Venom backpack. Too bad I can't find the figure anywhere.
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|Do YOU have a Commtech Reader? Was it worth the $20?]
DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THE HYPE!
One thing that I've heard a lot about from people who aren't as big a Star Wars fan as I, is that the hype for The Phantom Menace promised so much. I remember the week before the film opened film critics around the country warned: "Don't believe the hype!" Well, all I have to say is: "What hype?"
Think back a year. I don't know what it was like outside of Hollywood, but here in the "industry" there were billboards and bus ads and bus stop ads and commercials on TV and in print and just about anywhere else one could put an ad for the King of The Monsters-sized disappointment Godzilla. This film was so bad that the Japanese are now making their own sequel just to make it up to the world for selling the rights to "THE TEAM THAT BROUGHT YOU INDEPENDENCE DAY".
So these ads - they were EVERYWHERE. You couldn't drive a BLOCK without seeing these ads. They were placed by an ad company that was hired by the film's distributors. Now think for a moment - how many posters, ads, commercials, etc. have you seen that were ACTUALLY for The Phantom Menace? I can only recall seeing movie posters in movie theaters where I saw two trailers. I saw a few commercials on TV that were JUST for the movie. Even the merchandising ads were pretty inoffensive. I've only seen like four of the Taco Bell/KFC/Pizza Hut ads and they were kind of fun. They weren't over run either. Then, what else have you seen? Nothing comes to my mind.
OH wait - there's all the MEDIA COVERAGE. Every other day it seemed that Entertainment Tonight or Access Hollywood had another "story" on The Phantom Menace - OOOOO! Of course, everyone tuned in. Then there was the local news - every chance they got, they'd run the trailers and run the interviews and run the special behind the scenes clips and so forth. THAT'S the only hype that I was aware of. And that's just on the TV. You know how easy it is to avoid a news story? When the news guy says "Coming up next..." you turn off the TV.
Ooooo! Complain about the hype now.
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|You want a piece o' me?!? HUH?!?]
Think back a year. I don't know what it was like outside of Hollywood, but here in the "industry" there were billboards and bus ads and bus stop ads and commercials on TV and in print and just about anywhere else one could put an ad for the King of The Monsters-sized disappointment Godzilla. This film was so bad that the Japanese are now making their own sequel just to make it up to the world for selling the rights to "THE TEAM THAT BROUGHT YOU INDEPENDENCE DAY".
So these ads - they were EVERYWHERE. You couldn't drive a BLOCK without seeing these ads. They were placed by an ad company that was hired by the film's distributors. Now think for a moment - how many posters, ads, commercials, etc. have you seen that were ACTUALLY for The Phantom Menace? I can only recall seeing movie posters in movie theaters where I saw two trailers. I saw a few commercials on TV that were JUST for the movie. Even the merchandising ads were pretty inoffensive. I've only seen like four of the Taco Bell/KFC/Pizza Hut ads and they were kind of fun. They weren't over run either. Then, what else have you seen? Nothing comes to my mind.
OH wait - there's all the MEDIA COVERAGE. Every other day it seemed that Entertainment Tonight or Access Hollywood had another "story" on The Phantom Menace - OOOOO! Of course, everyone tuned in. Then there was the local news - every chance they got, they'd run the trailers and run the interviews and run the special behind the scenes clips and so forth. THAT'S the only hype that I was aware of. And that's just on the TV. You know how easy it is to avoid a news story? When the news guy says "Coming up next..." you turn off the TV.
Ooooo! Complain about the hype now.
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|You want a piece o' me?!? HUH?!?]
DON'T BLAME ME!
You might think that with the amount of money The Phantom Menace has made, I might have a hard time finding people who hated it. Well, as I live and work in Hollywood, I seem to be bumping into every damn anti-PM fan there is.
What's worse is the way people approach me, seeming to expect an explanation from me as to why they didn't find the film as enjoyable as me. The other day at my dayjob one woman, who knew I was a big fan, walked up to me and told me how she had seen "my" movie. She actually refered to it as "MY" movie - honestly, my first thought was to wonder how she could have gotten a copy of my senior thesis from film school. I asked her to clarify and she explained that she had seen Phantom Menace and she really didn't like it. Which is fine - I have no problem with people who don't enjoy themselves (I think they're warped, depraved indivuduals, but hey, to each their own, right?) during the movie, but what I DON'T appreciate is when people HUNT ME DOWN just to tell me how much they hated the film.
One guy I spoke with actually said that it was the biggest piece of shit he'd ever seen. I wonder if this guy ever GOES to the movies or does he just sit at home and watch the Independent Film Channel. I asked him what he didn't like about it and he explained that the film had the worst acting. I then asked him if he enjoyed the performances in The Matrix and he dodged the question by pointing out how at least The Matrix was inventive. Well, sure, it is inventive to those of you who never saw Dark City.
This brings me to the conversation I had with one of my best friends in the world. She actually said that The Phantom Menace was NOT entertaining. My jaw dropped - I accused her of having seen the same movie all those lame critics saw before the REAL print hit movie screens on May 19th. She and I have many of the same tastes in film which is what astounded me. I then asked her what she didn't like about it and she explained that she was expecting this movie to knock her socks off - she expected a life changing experience in this film. After this conversation ended (with a "nice arguing with ya!" from me) I thought back to what the guy at work had said. He was the one who commented that the film had horrible acting. Well...
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU EXPECTING?!?
Then I think of my close friend who was EXPECTING to have her life changed by TPM.
WHO THE HELL GOES INTO A MOVIE EXPECTING TO HAVE THEIR LIFE CHANGED????
I mean, HOW can you have the GALL to be UPSET when a movie doesn't live up to THOSE kinds of expectations?
And as far as the comment about the acting is concerned - ARE YOU THE DOPE OR ARE YOU SMOKING IT?? DUDE, Why would you expect good acting in a movie directed by a guy WHO HASN'T DIRECTED ANYTHING IN 22 YEARS?!? GEE - YOU THINK THERE'S A REASON LUCAS HASN'T DIRECTED A LICK SINCE STAR WARS BACK IN 1977?!? IT'S BECUASE HE'S A CRAPPY DIRECTOR! THINK ABOUT IT!
Honestly, anyone who went into this film thinking it would even be good is ignoring the statistics. Can you name the last film Lucas was a producer on? I'm not sure and I'm a movie buff! I can tell you that he had more than his big-toe stuck in a LOT of films that were pretty bad. The easy one to reference is Howard The Duck but there are SO many more. I know a few people who actually liked Willow but not many people seemed to.
Then there's Radioland Murders and then... and then... I can't think of any more. But isn't that the point? The guy makes three films that are less than perfect (let's be honest now!) but they are totally different from what we were expecting. Since then the only really impressive thing he's done (creatively)was conjuring the character Indiana Jones.
So think about it - he did all this cool stuff in the late 70s and early 80s and then ZIP. ALL CRAP. So why does ANYONE expect this film to be DECENT AT ALL?!?
I'm not defending Lucas' film here, I'm attacking people's attitudes toward it. It DISGUSTS me that people can go see a total piece of crap movie like Titanic and think it's the bomb (instead of A bomb) and then come see TPM and think it had crappy acting. Grow up you losers. Enjoy the film as much as you like and bitch about it on your own web pages if you don't like the fact that I enjoy the hell out of The Phantom Menace every DAMN time I see it!
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|Did YOU like "The Phantom Menace"?]
What's worse is the way people approach me, seeming to expect an explanation from me as to why they didn't find the film as enjoyable as me. The other day at my dayjob one woman, who knew I was a big fan, walked up to me and told me how she had seen "my" movie. She actually refered to it as "MY" movie - honestly, my first thought was to wonder how she could have gotten a copy of my senior thesis from film school. I asked her to clarify and she explained that she had seen Phantom Menace and she really didn't like it. Which is fine - I have no problem with people who don't enjoy themselves (I think they're warped, depraved indivuduals, but hey, to each their own, right?) during the movie, but what I DON'T appreciate is when people HUNT ME DOWN just to tell me how much they hated the film.
One guy I spoke with actually said that it was the biggest piece of shit he'd ever seen. I wonder if this guy ever GOES to the movies or does he just sit at home and watch the Independent Film Channel. I asked him what he didn't like about it and he explained that the film had the worst acting. I then asked him if he enjoyed the performances in The Matrix and he dodged the question by pointing out how at least The Matrix was inventive. Well, sure, it is inventive to those of you who never saw Dark City.
This brings me to the conversation I had with one of my best friends in the world. She actually said that The Phantom Menace was NOT entertaining. My jaw dropped - I accused her of having seen the same movie all those lame critics saw before the REAL print hit movie screens on May 19th. She and I have many of the same tastes in film which is what astounded me. I then asked her what she didn't like about it and she explained that she was expecting this movie to knock her socks off - she expected a life changing experience in this film. After this conversation ended (with a "nice arguing with ya!" from me) I thought back to what the guy at work had said. He was the one who commented that the film had horrible acting. Well...
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU EXPECTING?!?
Then I think of my close friend who was EXPECTING to have her life changed by TPM.
WHO THE HELL GOES INTO A MOVIE EXPECTING TO HAVE THEIR LIFE CHANGED????
I mean, HOW can you have the GALL to be UPSET when a movie doesn't live up to THOSE kinds of expectations?
And as far as the comment about the acting is concerned - ARE YOU THE DOPE OR ARE YOU SMOKING IT?? DUDE, Why would you expect good acting in a movie directed by a guy WHO HASN'T DIRECTED ANYTHING IN 22 YEARS?!? GEE - YOU THINK THERE'S A REASON LUCAS HASN'T DIRECTED A LICK SINCE STAR WARS BACK IN 1977?!? IT'S BECUASE HE'S A CRAPPY DIRECTOR! THINK ABOUT IT!
Honestly, anyone who went into this film thinking it would even be good is ignoring the statistics. Can you name the last film Lucas was a producer on? I'm not sure and I'm a movie buff! I can tell you that he had more than his big-toe stuck in a LOT of films that were pretty bad. The easy one to reference is Howard The Duck but there are SO many more. I know a few people who actually liked Willow but not many people seemed to.
Then there's Radioland Murders and then... and then... I can't think of any more. But isn't that the point? The guy makes three films that are less than perfect (let's be honest now!) but they are totally different from what we were expecting. Since then the only really impressive thing he's done (creatively)was conjuring the character Indiana Jones.
So think about it - he did all this cool stuff in the late 70s and early 80s and then ZIP. ALL CRAP. So why does ANYONE expect this film to be DECENT AT ALL?!?
I'm not defending Lucas' film here, I'm attacking people's attitudes toward it. It DISGUSTS me that people can go see a total piece of crap movie like Titanic and think it's the bomb (instead of A bomb) and then come see TPM and think it had crappy acting. Grow up you losers. Enjoy the film as much as you like and bitch about it on your own web pages if you don't like the fact that I enjoy the hell out of The Phantom Menace every DAMN time I see it!
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|Did YOU like "The Phantom Menace"?]
Tuesday, May 11, 1999
OF COURSE PHANTOM MENACE WON'T BE GREAT! (JEEZ!)
I love all of these movie critics that saw the latest Star Wars film a couple of weeks ago at a press screening in New York. Most of them quickly published their reviews about a week before even TICKETS go on sale for the damn movie! It's like each reporter wanted to see the film bomb or something - like a bad movie will keep American Theater-Goers from the movies!
Yes, most of the reviews were negative. And you may think I'm just another Star Wars geek who is bitter about his dream movie being slashed by critics, but the fact is, I'm not.
Honestly, I feel that any critic who publishes a negative review of this film is wasting his/her chance at warning the public about a REALLY bad film. You see, I EXPECT THE PHANTOM MENACE TO BE VERGING ON THE RIDICULOUS! Yep, you read it right, I think the new Star Wars movie will be a silly, shallow effects laden animated movie with a week plot and week characters.
How do I know this? HELLO!!! Look at the most recent SW movie Lucas put out - remember the EWOKS??? Can you say "Let's make a quick buck on toys"?? RETURN OF THE JEDI was a week excuse for a Star Wars film. It was almost a complete kid-movie - and this is what THE PHANTOM MENACE will be as well. And you know what I say to that? COOL!! JEDI may have been the weakest of the three but it was STILL better than TITANIC!!! I just can't wait to see MATRIX's ass kicked both in box-ofice and in movie quality. Sure, PHANTOM MENACE won't have kung-fu, but it will have LIGHTSABERS!!
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|Do you think THE PHANTOM MENACE will be better than critics say it is? If so, how?]
Yes, most of the reviews were negative. And you may think I'm just another Star Wars geek who is bitter about his dream movie being slashed by critics, but the fact is, I'm not.
Honestly, I feel that any critic who publishes a negative review of this film is wasting his/her chance at warning the public about a REALLY bad film. You see, I EXPECT THE PHANTOM MENACE TO BE VERGING ON THE RIDICULOUS! Yep, you read it right, I think the new Star Wars movie will be a silly, shallow effects laden animated movie with a week plot and week characters.
How do I know this? HELLO!!! Look at the most recent SW movie Lucas put out - remember the EWOKS??? Can you say "Let's make a quick buck on toys"?? RETURN OF THE JEDI was a week excuse for a Star Wars film. It was almost a complete kid-movie - and this is what THE PHANTOM MENACE will be as well. And you know what I say to that? COOL!! JEDI may have been the weakest of the three but it was STILL better than TITANIC!!! I just can't wait to see MATRIX's ass kicked both in box-ofice and in movie quality. Sure, PHANTOM MENACE won't have kung-fu, but it will have LIGHTSABERS!!
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|Do you think THE PHANTOM MENACE will be better than critics say it is? If so, how?]
NATO PROTESTERS = PAULY SHORE
Well, almost everyday of the week I drive past the Federal Building here in beautiful Westwood, California. This is the building where the FBI in Los Angeles County have their offices. This building also houses the only Post Office in Westwood. If terrorists wanted to blow something up in LA that was governmental, this would be the building they would park their rented moving van in front of.
Now, if I pass the Federal Building on the way home from work, right around rush hour, say at six in the evening, I see thirty or forty protesters with placards in their hands and cheers coming from their mouths. What are they protesting? Well, by the headline of this piece, you can gather that they are NOT protesting Serbian atrocities against Albanian Kosovars (aka folks that live in Kosovo that have Albanian relatives). They all seem to be blissfully unaware of the reports of these atrocities, none of which I'll go into here because I think you all know what I'm talking about. They all claim that CNN really stands for "Clinton Nato Network" and that the American media is a pawn of the American government. Oh yeah, sure - try making that claim back when Ms. Lewinsky was capturing the headlines!
They all seem to be so passionate about getting the point across to us motorists that NATO is an evil entity, that you almost become curious about their facts. At one point I thought to myself while passing them one night on the way home from work that I would need to see if I could get some of their literature in the morning as I passed them on the way to work. The funny thing was, the next morning, they were gone. I thought that perhaps the bombings had stopped over night, so I turned on the radio and listened to my favorite news station and discovered that the bombing had continued. On the way home that night, they were back!
Hm, for people who felt so passionate about NATO and how it MUST stop "KILLING CHILDREN" the protest sure seemed conveniently scheduled. Then I wondered to myself just what kind of protest was this? I mean, back in the 60s, a protest meant that you'd stay there all day and all night until you either got your way, were carted away or transported to a hospital! What is this crap? If all these people are worried about their jobs, then why not just get a website and plaster the Federal Building with flyers with the URL on it? Oo, and with this being such a big movie town, you can just imagine how many protesters are going to be there once the new Star Wars movie opens!
I'm not worried though, I'm sure they'll be back with movie popcorn and Star Wars merchandise and pure hatred for NATO boiling in their hearts.
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|What do you think?]
Now, if I pass the Federal Building on the way home from work, right around rush hour, say at six in the evening, I see thirty or forty protesters with placards in their hands and cheers coming from their mouths. What are they protesting? Well, by the headline of this piece, you can gather that they are NOT protesting Serbian atrocities against Albanian Kosovars (aka folks that live in Kosovo that have Albanian relatives). They all seem to be blissfully unaware of the reports of these atrocities, none of which I'll go into here because I think you all know what I'm talking about. They all claim that CNN really stands for "Clinton Nato Network" and that the American media is a pawn of the American government. Oh yeah, sure - try making that claim back when Ms. Lewinsky was capturing the headlines!
They all seem to be so passionate about getting the point across to us motorists that NATO is an evil entity, that you almost become curious about their facts. At one point I thought to myself while passing them one night on the way home from work that I would need to see if I could get some of their literature in the morning as I passed them on the way to work. The funny thing was, the next morning, they were gone. I thought that perhaps the bombings had stopped over night, so I turned on the radio and listened to my favorite news station and discovered that the bombing had continued. On the way home that night, they were back!
Hm, for people who felt so passionate about NATO and how it MUST stop "KILLING CHILDREN" the protest sure seemed conveniently scheduled. Then I wondered to myself just what kind of protest was this? I mean, back in the 60s, a protest meant that you'd stay there all day and all night until you either got your way, were carted away or transported to a hospital! What is this crap? If all these people are worried about their jobs, then why not just get a website and plaster the Federal Building with flyers with the URL on it? Oo, and with this being such a big movie town, you can just imagine how many protesters are going to be there once the new Star Wars movie opens!
I'm not worried though, I'm sure they'll be back with movie popcorn and Star Wars merchandise and pure hatred for NATO boiling in their hearts.
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|What do you think?]
Sunday, May 2, 1999
MAY THE TOYS BE WITH YOU
Well, this may not completely constitute as a Bitch, but here goes anyway. As I type this, I am EAGERLY anticipating hopping in my car in two hours with a couple geek-friends of mine and driving twenty-minutes down the road to the biggest Toys R Us in Southern California. Why will I be doing this at 10 o'clock at night? Three words:
I'm trying to figure out why I am ALREADY getting MUCH joy from buying toys that are aimed at children who are still hovering around puberty. I understand why I am going nuts for a Darth Maul's double-bladed lightsaber. I mean, Freud would have a field day - so whatever.
But what's with my urge to buy four-inch tall men and women with guns? I haven't even seen the movie yet, but I know I want a Darth Maul, a Ben Kenobi and a Qui-Gon figure. Is it my need to find more things that I can control?
Maybe that's it. But I also want to buy that C-3PO watch that Rosie O'Donell gave away to her audience last Thursday, as well. I sure as hell won't be wearing a C-3PO watch to work, or to the john!!
So what's my damage? Is it a cry for help? Is my next move to bring a REAL gun to work instead of Han Solo's blaster? There are so many people who just don't understand my obsession with Star Wars toys. People tell me to "get a life" but then, I have one. I have a job, a girlfriend, a career goal (SEVERAL of those actually) and a hobby that requires I occasionally show up at a toy store at twelve, midnight. Really, if you're going to compare obsessions, really toy collecting isn't that horrible a habit. I mean, I'm not an alcoholic. You can't arrest me for driving while playing with my saber. Of course, I usually like to do that in private.
So I guess what I think is that I just like to be childish sometimes and I also enjoy the funny looks I get from other adults my age or older when I pit my little plastic Luke Skywalker against my little plastic Darth Vader (both with their removable hands). So the next time you see an adult playing with toys or doing anything else that seems out of character for an adult, stop a moment and try to imagine what it would be like to be doing the same thing.
You might be surprised. I know I am - every time I actually do those things.
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|Got an opinion? What is it?]
"STAR", "WARS" and "TOYS"
I'm trying to figure out why I am ALREADY getting MUCH joy from buying toys that are aimed at children who are still hovering around puberty. I understand why I am going nuts for a Darth Maul's double-bladed lightsaber. I mean, Freud would have a field day - so whatever.
But what's with my urge to buy four-inch tall men and women with guns? I haven't even seen the movie yet, but I know I want a Darth Maul, a Ben Kenobi and a Qui-Gon figure. Is it my need to find more things that I can control?
Maybe that's it. But I also want to buy that C-3PO watch that Rosie O'Donell gave away to her audience last Thursday, as well. I sure as hell won't be wearing a C-3PO watch to work, or to the john!!
So what's my damage? Is it a cry for help? Is my next move to bring a REAL gun to work instead of Han Solo's blaster? There are so many people who just don't understand my obsession with Star Wars toys. People tell me to "get a life" but then, I have one. I have a job, a girlfriend, a career goal (SEVERAL of those actually) and a hobby that requires I occasionally show up at a toy store at twelve, midnight. Really, if you're going to compare obsessions, really toy collecting isn't that horrible a habit. I mean, I'm not an alcoholic. You can't arrest me for driving while playing with my saber. Of course, I usually like to do that in private.
So I guess what I think is that I just like to be childish sometimes and I also enjoy the funny looks I get from other adults my age or older when I pit my little plastic Luke Skywalker against my little plastic Darth Vader (both with their removable hands). So the next time you see an adult playing with toys or doing anything else that seems out of character for an adult, stop a moment and try to imagine what it would be like to be doing the same thing.
You might be surprised. I know I am - every time I actually do those things.
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|Got an opinion? What is it?]
SOFTWARE PIRATING IS WHO'S FAULT?
When you ask the software companies why software packages are so expensive they explain that it's because software pirates rip off so much of their product that it's not cost-effective to charge what the software is actually worth.
That's funny, I thought the reason software is pirated was because it's too damn expensive to pay for!
So, here's a note to software companies - why don't you do what the government did with alcohol decades ago? Remember that? They had such a helluva hard time enforcing prohibition laws that finally they just made the stuff legal. Guess what? The illegal trafficking and sales of alcoholic beverages all but stopped. You think that will work with your software guys?
I THINK SO!
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|What do you think?]
That's funny, I thought the reason software is pirated was because it's too damn expensive to pay for!
So, here's a note to software companies - why don't you do what the government did with alcohol decades ago? Remember that? They had such a helluva hard time enforcing prohibition laws that finally they just made the stuff legal. Guess what? The illegal trafficking and sales of alcoholic beverages all but stopped. You think that will work with your software guys?
I THINK SO!
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|What do you think?]
WHAT IS WITH THIS CRAP?
Why is it that "The Matrix" is such a big hit?
The film has massive plot holes the size of small moons. The thing is a total piece of crap story-wise and it's digital effects are no better than what you'd see in a TV commercial for the GAP.
Sure, the fight sequences are numerous and well choreographed, but is that enough to make a good movie? I don't think so. Sure, you might argue that it's just one of those films that needs to be enjoyed for what it is, but how many of those kinds of films are we going to have to sit through before we get a movie that really deserves to make the money "The Matrix" is making?
The best part of this film (the plot structure) was COMPLETELY stolen from a 1998 film called Dark City that bombed in the theater because it didn't have the marketing budget that a Keanu Reeves film could muster. Oh yeah and Dark City didn't have all those explosions. It was just a stronger film that developed the story amazingly well, set up rules and then STUCK to them, unlike "The Matrix" which seemed to shoot holes in it's own plot.
Way back in 1975, a young film maker was putting together a film he called at the time "A New Hope". He explained to the people working with him that you can't make a movie that consisted solely of great special effects. Without a good story, strong characters and a decent plot, people just would not show up in theaters. Sorry George, but you're so wrong.
Not that Star Wars was any piece of script-art, but at least Star Wars ripped off plot elements and it's basic structure from OTHER genres than it's own. So why is it that people flock to these movies? Movies with more explosions in their scripts than pronouns? I think it's because people just don't know how to feel anymore. I remember when I saw "Sling Blade" the guy next to me sat and sobbed just before Mr. Sling Blade smashed in Travis Tritt's head.
COME ON - Billy-Bob was basically punishing the guy for what he MIGHT do - you can't DO that!
It's not fair to a person to punish him BEFORE he commits the crime, yet, here was this guy in the audience crying over the sacrifice of this mentally challenged dimwit. I'm sorry, but it's one thing to cry when it's worth it and drop money when it's a good film, but when you see a movie because it's better than anything else that's out? That's no reason to blow eight bucks!
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|Have you seen "The Matrix"? What did you think?]
The film has massive plot holes the size of small moons. The thing is a total piece of crap story-wise and it's digital effects are no better than what you'd see in a TV commercial for the GAP.
Sure, the fight sequences are numerous and well choreographed, but is that enough to make a good movie? I don't think so. Sure, you might argue that it's just one of those films that needs to be enjoyed for what it is, but how many of those kinds of films are we going to have to sit through before we get a movie that really deserves to make the money "The Matrix" is making?
The best part of this film (the plot structure) was COMPLETELY stolen from a 1998 film called Dark City that bombed in the theater because it didn't have the marketing budget that a Keanu Reeves film could muster. Oh yeah and Dark City didn't have all those explosions. It was just a stronger film that developed the story amazingly well, set up rules and then STUCK to them, unlike "The Matrix" which seemed to shoot holes in it's own plot.
Way back in 1975, a young film maker was putting together a film he called at the time "A New Hope". He explained to the people working with him that you can't make a movie that consisted solely of great special effects. Without a good story, strong characters and a decent plot, people just would not show up in theaters. Sorry George, but you're so wrong.
Not that Star Wars was any piece of script-art, but at least Star Wars ripped off plot elements and it's basic structure from OTHER genres than it's own. So why is it that people flock to these movies? Movies with more explosions in their scripts than pronouns? I think it's because people just don't know how to feel anymore. I remember when I saw "Sling Blade" the guy next to me sat and sobbed just before Mr. Sling Blade smashed in Travis Tritt's head.
COME ON - Billy-Bob was basically punishing the guy for what he MIGHT do - you can't DO that!
It's not fair to a person to punish him BEFORE he commits the crime, yet, here was this guy in the audience crying over the sacrifice of this mentally challenged dimwit. I'm sorry, but it's one thing to cry when it's worth it and drop money when it's a good film, but when you see a movie because it's better than anything else that's out? That's no reason to blow eight bucks!
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|Have you seen "The Matrix"? What did you think?]
NOW EVERYBODY'S DOING IT!
Here's what happens - you happen to admit in school that you've learned a life lesson or two from Star Trek and BOOM, nobody talks to you. You try to make friends but everyone keeps making fun of you telling you to go hang out with Spock and Data. (Which is really annoying since Spock and Data were only in one episode together.) But you don't let that stop you from trying. Soon you realize that no one understands the kind of person you really are and you get very frustrated with the fact that no one cares to give you, a nice, friendly person, the time of day. Then you realize you're not so nice and friendly anymore and in many ways you resent the position society has put you in. You start to listen to dark, hateful music and paint your face white, even resorting to wearing a black trenchcoat in the middle of July all in an attempt to tell the world how alone you feel and how happy you are in your loneliness. Then you discover that all the jocks and pretty girls you once so enthusiastically wanted to be friends with now perpetually make fun of you both behind your back and in front of it. You silently dream of a way to get back at them for not giving you the chance you needed in the first place to be part of the group. One lonely Friday night you visit Blockbuster and rent your usual cache of Jackie Chan films, soft-core porn movies and Japanese Anime tapes (the R-rated kinds) when you notice a film in the artsy section starring Kate Winselt's boyfriend from "Titanic." It's a film about drugs and basketball - WOW, you like it already! Upon viewing the film you notice a scene where Kate Winslet's boyfriend wears your wardrobe, goes into a high school and kills everyone who gets in his way.
"WOW, WHAT A GOOD IDEA!" You think, "If only I could get my hands on a shotgun!" With the internet, YOU CAN! You steal your Dad's credit card and pull up "gunsrus.com" in your PC's favorite browser. The next morning, the FedEx man brings you your shotgun. COOL! You then proceed to go to school and reak bloody revenge on those who ridiculed you for watching Star Trek. Realizing that your work here is done, you off yourself. Less than a week later, kids all across America try to rip off your idea by building bombs, buying guns and threatening to take some lives at their high schools. You've quite a legacy, but then again, you're dead now.
"You got what you wanted tiger, how does it taste?"
-Charleton Heston
Planet of the Apes, 1967
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|What do you think?]
"WOW, WHAT A GOOD IDEA!" You think, "If only I could get my hands on a shotgun!" With the internet, YOU CAN! You steal your Dad's credit card and pull up "gunsrus.com" in your PC's favorite browser. The next morning, the FedEx man brings you your shotgun. COOL! You then proceed to go to school and reak bloody revenge on those who ridiculed you for watching Star Trek. Realizing that your work here is done, you off yourself. Less than a week later, kids all across America try to rip off your idea by building bombs, buying guns and threatening to take some lives at their high schools. You've quite a legacy, but then again, you're dead now.
"You got what you wanted tiger, how does it taste?"
-Charleton Heston
Planet of the Apes, 1967
[http://www.guestbook.de/yasg.cgi?X=75379#top|What do you think?]
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