My Reaction to the Actual Battlestar Galactica Series Finale

Two weeks ago, I had the idea that I probably wouldn't like the finale
of the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica. So, I decided to write my
own. I did the same with Star Wars: Episode 3 and it helped me avoid therapy.

Earlier tonight I watched the BSG series finale and let's just say I'm glad I wrote my own first. I'm not saying mine was perfect, but as a first draft it rocked the pants of the one that got made.

Anyway, so, here's a spoiler-free sampling of my immediate feelings in the hour after watching it:

I tweeted my first post-viewing reaction to the Battlestar Galactica series finale about ten or fifteen minutes later:

Just finished the Battlestar Galactica finale (the actual one). Did M. Night Shyamalan direct it? Because I hated it like he did.

The following wasn't anything I wrote, but it also encapsulates my feelings. It comes from Twitter-user Tim3PO who Tweeted:
 

Hey Ron Moore (aka George Lucas Junior), if your goal was to destroy all that made BSG amazing, within one 3 part story. Congrats A-hole

And then I went over to Battlestar Galactica composer, Bear McCreary's Battlestar blog to see if he had any release date for the season 4 soundtrack, which is all I'm really interested in at this point. Not seeing any info, I took a gander at the comments on his "discuss the Battlestar finale" post. After reading mostly glowing, blindly fanboyish reviews, I had to post something. Here's what I posted about the Battlestar Galactica series finale:
 

My wife and I watched the last two episodes back-to-back earlier this evening. While watching the last two episodes, I just kept thinking to myself: “I just want to know when the season 4 soundtrack is out.”

So, no offense to Bear, his music is brilliant, but his music was the best thing about the finale–sadly, that’s not saying much. Completely disappointed in it (the finale). Not one resolution did I like. I’m glad I spent the last two weeks of my life writing my own finale, yes, just for fun (I’m a writer, so it’s not a big deal–to me, the show is a big deal so I thought it was worth it).

Anyone who wants to enjoy how I’ll pretend BSG ended can check out my website. It’s not a perfect finale, but if you wait a few months for Bear’s score to come out, you can listen to his music while you read it. Just add a “.com” to my user name and you’re there.

Sorry for the shameless plug, but for crying out loud, I’m disappointed. -ThePete (a fellow huge fan of BSG who also loved it for the morally centered ambiguity.)

SIGH. I feel like I need to share my scripts as a form of support for those of us who feel like we deserved a better ending than we got. Or really, for those of us who are old enough to remember the last disappointing Battlestar Galactica series finale--the monstrosity that was Galactica 1980.

It's like us Battlestar fans just can't cut a break!!

Maybe that can change, in a small way, at least, with my scripts. Here are the links and you can decide for yourself (remember they're first drafts):

Part 1 (57-page 163k PDF)

Part 2 (55-page 155k PDF)

And, if you're not reading this on thepete.com, please go there and click on the "page 2" link to read my spoilerish comments regarding the series finale, assuming you want to read them. I think you might. You might also want to read more about my very own Battlestar Galactica finale script. Or not. But just know that I wrote both scripts over 2 weeks, before watching either of the two final episodes.

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SPOILER ALERT! What follows are huge spoilers. Seriously. I don't think they'll ruin the finale for you, but if you like BSG and haven't seen the finale yet, DON'T READ ON. You might be one of the people who are capable of enjoying it!!! DON'T RISK IT!! Better to give the show a chance and be wrong--then you can come back here and commiserate.

OK--THIS IS IT!! YOU'RE LAST WARNING!!

OH and if you're Ron Moore reading this please don't take my rants personally. I seriously love the majority of your writing over the years. You did an amazing thing and made me give a crap about a scifi show again. You built my expectations up and it'd be a challenge for any writer to meet those expectations. So, no disrespect meant.

HERE WE GO:

As I mentioned in my comment on Bear McCreary's blog, not a SINGLE resolution worked for me. Let's look at them now:

Starbuck was, as my wife suggested, raptured away, I guess?? I like to think of her plot-end as her evolving to the same species that Wesley Crusher evolved to in his last episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation (a show which I believe Ron Moore also had something to do with). Of course, I when I say that I "like" to think of it that way I mean that I will take that explanation because at least it's funny.

Apollo goes EXPLORING!! WOW, so, the guy named after the Greek god of light, truth, archery, medicine, plague (and more) is going hiking!! YEAH!

Laura, buys it on a joy-ride with her S.O. Sheesh. She survives the (least satisfying but) biggest battle of the series and dies on a joy-ride???

Adama, ends up in... Jersey, I think? (Oh bite me. There are too, mountains in New Jersey!)

Cavil ends it the cowards way.

Leoben... is barely IN IT.

Earth? Oh yeah, about that--um, M. Night Shyamalan wrote/directed that bit, so yeah, that's not what we said it was. Which leads me to say:

FRACK OFF, RON: MY EARTH IS THE FIRST AND ONLY EARTH, BITCH!

Baltar and #6 end up being...contrived and stupid the Norse god of mischief, Loki and... who ever hung out with Loki. So, gods do exist??

Hera is mitochodrial Eve--whoa--goin' out on a limb, there!! You know, you don't HAVE to give us essentially the same ending as the original.

The future Cylons are... holy shit! My aibo is attacking me!! Oh wait, I just kicked it away, it's cool. AH!! My Robosapien is coming at me with a cigarette lighter!! Oh wait, it's batteries died, I'm safe now. OH CRAP! ASIMO is coming at me with a trumpet!! Oh, he's playing it. Nevermind.

Seriously--dude, Ron, I think you're writing is brilliant at times, but WHAT THE HELL DOES THE PIGEON HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? And don't tell me Kara is Jesus, because then you'd need a Judas and a betrayal and A SACRIFICE!! JESUS CHRIST, I'M AN ATHEIST AND I KNOW THAT!!

NO ONE DIES IN THE BATTLE!! WTF!!

I don't ever need to watch this series again because the plot is so flippin' messy and convoluted and it doesn't clean up in the end and no one dies, so I can't even enjoy the tragic elements because THERE ARE NO TRAGIC ELEMENTS OR LOSS OF ANY KIND!

There'd be no point in watching the entire series again, really, since the reasons I kept watching it went away so long ago and never came back.

The reasons I kept watching it:

1) In the miniseries, Adama gives this wonderful speech about how humanity must deserve to survive. By the end of the series, I'm really convinced it should die. There's no doubt in my mind that after, like, 3 coups, an insurrection and a bunch of suicides, Adama is among the shittiest leaders ever. When we see him vomit on his own hand in the finale, I'm like "see? the guy should never have been trusted with a Battlestar in the first place! No wonder humanity sucks today!"

2) Baltar's wonderful duality. James Callis makes me want to become an actor. I was fine with the idea of him becoming "born again" or whatever, but DO something with it. In the end he's just an "in-the-right-place at the-right-time" guy. So, that's what so much was building up to?

"Oh, I'm sorry, but my hot-ass girlfriend and I just found this little girl. I say, does she belong to you?"

You know, that dude Tim3PO compared Ron Moore to George Lucas, but I kinda feel that's not a fair comparison--at least George waited 15 years to make me not want to be a fan any more.

Ron Moore was the best thing about Star Trek: The Next Generation and did some amazing stuff with Battlestar Galactica. But the finale was not among that stuff.

Still an impressive track record, really. I just hope Ron stays away from the Deus Ex Machina stuff. If I wanted to hear the excuse "God did it." I'd read the Bible (I've heard it's got a disappointing ending, too).

PRIMEVAL (2007) (TV)

Buy series 1 and 2 in one DVD box set!

Positive Experience/Entertaining? Haha, yeah--but not in the way I would want it to be. This series is great for people who miss Mystery Science Theater 3000 because it delivers the perfect fodder for quips. This show is TERRIBLE.


Technically any good? To be absolutely fair, the premise of this series is actually pretty cool--it's about these strange time portals that are showing up around the UK allowing creatures from other times to appear. Also, some of the actors try reeeally hard and my heart goes out to them (mainly Douglas Henshall, Andrew Lee Potts, and Lucy Brown who are really solid). Why does my heart go out to the actors? Because the execution of the stories and even the stories themselves are just RIDICULOUS!!

Rather than presenting us with interesting evolutionary mysteries from the past and future from the first episode, the series bores us with way too many episodes featuring cliched dinosaurs, giant alligators (in a community swimming pool!) and other been-done prehistoric creatures, including a saber-tooth tiger who appears in the show's funniest moment (if you don't mind spoilers, check out this clip). There's also an absurd storyline with the lead's ex-wife, which would be interesting if she wasn't so obviously eeeeeeevil.

The FX are also pretty bad. I don't fault the FX artists, I'm sure they'd do a better job if they had a better budget. However, the cinematography isn't smart enough to shoot around the weaknesses of the FX. As a result, you get to see the blatantly CG tiger in the same frame as the actor (who often looks "at" the CG tiger in the wrong place).


How did it leave me feeling? Entertained, but in a very bad way. It's annoying because, like I said, the premise is kind of interesting and some of the acting is perfectly reasonable. I even like the chemistry between Henshall and Brown's characters. It's just that everything is so poorly executed it's impossible to take the show seriously. I'm hoping that in series 3 the Sleestacks from Land of the Lost will show up. I mean, that's how bad this show is--sure there are no crappy chromakey FX, but there might as well be.


Final Rating? IIO - If It's On, it's perfect for background noise. It was created to compete with Doctor Who but doesn't come close--unless it was trying to compete with Doctor Who from the 1970s. Perhaps the show's creators fell through one of those time portals in their show from the Tom Baker era? :P

I'd love to see a remake of this taken seriously. I'd be a fan of that show. Not of this one, though.

You Must Watch "CHUCK" Tonight! My Buddy Alexander Fazel is In It!!

My very good friend Alexander Fazel is an actor out there in Los Angeles and he manage to get himself a gig on the NBC show CHUCK. His episode, entitled "Chuck Vs. The DeLorean" apparently airs TONIGHT at 8pm on NBC and will also be available tomorrow on iTunes for just $1.99!! So, TUNE IN, PLEASE!
(Or iTune in, I suppose!) Watch for the Arab billionaire's sidekick, that's my buddy, Alexander :)

To help you spot him in the show, check out an episode of The 5 Minute Show that I shot with him back in June of 2006:



As you can see, he's pretty funny, a handsome dude and damn talented. So, be sure to watch Chuck, tonight! I will thank you and so will Alexander!!

You can check out more episodes of my webcast The 5 Minute Show here:
http://tv.thepete.com/tag/the-5-Minute-Show/

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NO TV? NO PROBLEM!

I haven't given up my TV yet - beleive me - I would never do that! I've got over 400 video tapes in my collection. HOWEVER, I have practically given up watching broadcast or cable TV. Sure, if my fiance has the TV on, I'll pay attention and I do watch the news when ever something big happens in the world, but for the most part I watch almost no television. I still watch the X-Files (not that it's been any good lately), Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel and that's about it. There just isn't much on that I really feel merits my time. None of the new popular shows on any of the networks are interesting enough for me to go even slightly out of my way to watch them. They may be new, but they are hardly different. How many times do we need to see Friends repackaged, or Dawson's Creek? Even the supposedly good stuff isn't all that. I watched the pilot of Malcolm In The Middle and while it definitely was different, it wasn't very funny. I think IT thought it was a laugh riot, but the show ended up feeling more like that guy in high school who would always tell jokes thinking he was a regular George Carlin when in the end he was just a wannabe Jerry Lewis. >SHUDDER!< The other show I gave a try to was Freaks & Geeks. I remember watching the pilot and thinking that it was a pretty cute show but that it would bomb quickly in its 8:00 Saturday night time slot. But after the holidays, it got moved to Monday nights at 8pm, where I gave it another try. It seemed to have lost all of its heart. It was now just a dumb, vacant show with musical cues letting you know when to laugh or just generally feel something. So I am more than happy to spend more time surfing the web, watching old episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000, playing my Atari, just chatting with my fiance, or even GOD FORBID - reading books...